5 Ways to Embrace "I don't know"​ for greater Growth

"I don't know".

 I hear the words I don’t often from the Entrepreneurs and Leaders I work with.

Sometimes their response is light-hearted. Sometimes, it brings feelings of excitement when venturing into the unknown. Many times, as they dive deeper into thinking about what they want, it comes with an underlying sense of fear or limitations. A struggle of some kind, linked to previous behaviours and habits of thinking they need to know the answers to for greater clarity or confidence before they can take action.

The issue can become worse when leaders don’t know the answers or are dealing with uncertainty for longer periods of time. And with that, they can get stuck in their own head with stories or narratives that may bring feelings like guilt, shame, unworthiness, anger, or anxiety.

So, for anyone needing to hear this, particularly given that uncertain times are becoming more the norm in the workplace, here are 5 other possible ways to look at “I don’t know” as you work your way through your next challenge, change, or transition.

1) Get comfortable being uncomfortable with “I don’t know” through Acceptance, Openness and Curiosity

Logically, on some level, most high-achieving leaders will tell me they understand this. They’re used to admitting they don’t need to know straight away, then fixing things and searching for the right answers. Especially when they’re used to working in teams and solving problems. In those environments, they can be more ready to accept that they’ll simply have to try various options. They take comfort in familiarity, in their skillset, their processes, and in their teams

Some leaders find not knowing more of a challenge when they’re thrown into a situation that has changed more rapidly so that the actions and skills that helped them get to their first level of success, stop working as they try something new.

Perhaps it’s a new role, or they’re out of work, or they find themselves in a new situation as an entrepreneur or in their personal life.   

Their discomfort begins to give rise to thoughts like “What if I don’t?”, “What if I can’t?”,  Or “I don’t want XYZ bad thing to happen again”.  With these doubts, they focus more on their limitations and not the situation they want to create.

Accepting discomfort as a signal to guide us, can allow us to become more open.

Curiosity….specifically the words “I’m curious..”

-to explore other possibilities

-what if I was to explore it anyway

can help shift our awareness to more useful and less judgmental ways of looking at things.

2) Figure out and focus on possibilities you can create

What’s working well for you and what isn’t?  What things light you up each day? What things, despite the changes, do you have control of that will get you closer to your goals?

For example, you may not know what job or sales opportunity you’ll land next.

How can you be more intentional about what you would like to create or make happen? How can you prioritise it? Big changes can be daunting but the leap doesn’t have to happen in one go. With a commitment to take regular action towards it, via the tiniest of steps, each day is how successes are built.

Also, think about where are you when you come up with your best ideas and solutions.

Chances are it will be when your mind is clear of whatever stories and repetitive thoughts you have going on inside it. Most people will think of new ideas when they’re most relaxed as they wake up or fall asleep, when they run or go for a walk or in the shower.

When you’re in the mental headspace of “I don’t know” from a place of acceptance and curiosity you’ll find with practice that you'll get better at allowing the answers to come to you.

3) Serve instead of Please

Know that you don’t need to carry the weight of pleasing or being liked by everyone.

Sometimes when we don’t know what to do we are actually worried about letting someone (including ourselves) down.

What will others think if you really don’t know? Will they find out you’re a fraud? That you don’t have the skills or information they expect of you? Or worse still how will you beat yourself up about it? The mental weight of this can be exhausting. Especially in situations you have no control over.

Instead, consider how you can serve and empower others with what you love doing, without the weight of expectations. A simple shift in focus from yourself to them, may help you stay more objective, become more curious and find more possibilities to drive forward.

4) Shift your mindset from "I want to know before I take action " to "What can I learn as I take action?"

In order to create what they want, leaders can get stuck when they lack or have too much information, skillsets or connections / people to help them.

Too little opportunity and they feel stuck. Too many options, and they don’t know where to start.

As Leaders and business owners we can understand the importance of weighing up risks and making decisions to get ahead. However, sometimes we can become impatient as we prioritise results over reality. Looking for shortcuts works sometimes but often too much focus on the outside and not on our internal values can throw us off. There needs to be space to reflect and learn about ourselves and our responses to our environment for longer-term growth too.

5) Become (even more) Comfortable with Failing More and Failing Forward

Sometimes high achievers have a deeper fear of failure for many reasons. Especially those who are used to performing well from a younger age.

Fail fast was a mantra popularised in the Tech Industry because with accepting failure frequently, comes the opportunity to learn faster and with that move forwards.

Wherever you are right now, remember it’s a journey of continuous change and growth. And change for good often takes time. There are times when you’ll have enough things figured out to build momentum for rapid growth in some areas, but there is also the time that’s needed to slow down for self-reflection and slow and steady growth to realise your next level of success.