How are your Labels Holding You Back?

Not necessarily the designer ones… but the ones you form your identity with the way you label yourself and also others?

For example: I'm a woman, I'm an entrepreneur, I'm a mother, I'm a wife, I'm a sister and a daughter.

They're a male, they're white or black, they're a leader, they are a parent and a husband. 

There's no harm done so far, right? Assuming we are labelling here with good intentions, these labels are easy to accept because it's a set way of how a person is in those situations or the role they take on.

But what about the labels we give ourselves due to our previous negative habits and behaviours which we then accept as a part of our identity? And in a way that holds us back?

Psychologists like Becker coined the term "labelling theory" in a wider social context for the individual and how we label others. He notes that it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy that we're in danger of re-affirming for years.

And when this happens, we either consciously or subconsciously classify our less favourable behaviours as something that we accept as a part of our identity. And get frustrated as a result of it holding us back. And it can start in school:  

- I'm no good at maths or languages

- I can't play football well

- I'm not good at making friends

Or maybe we even blame someone else:

- I get my temper from my dad

And then into the workplace some years later, we may create other ways that we live into and identify within ourselves as being true:

- I’m no good at networking

I don’t have the confidence to.....

- keep talking about myself

- to sell

- to leave my job

- to speak up when I want to 

The only person who makes or can choose to make those labels permanent is you.

Interestingly when some leaders begin working with me, some may be convinced they need more confidence to achieve a result.  Yet in reality, no one develops a new skill or creates what they want successfully by being confident at it first.

Confidence comes AFTER a commitment to practice the skill or idea. Through applying intention followed by consistent action. Through following a process and failing and re-iterating.  Confidence comes as a result. A result of ripping up labels and failing a few times.

There is often a sense of relief when we can be reminded that nothing is permanent. And good leaders know that in order to grow, they need to keep changing their thinking.

You may not have the results you want today but you could respond differently.  And re-consider the labels you choose for growth.

Coaching Questions for Reflection

Identify one negative habit or behaviour that you’ve used to label yourself that holds you back from growth or being more confident.

When or from whom did you first (ever) learn that?

How could you choose to be or respond if you didn't use that label?

What better labels can you explore "to wear" and what new possibilities could that bring?